An Unofficial Guide to Not Being an Absolute Menace

It has long been assumed—incorrectly—that glory holes are lawless portals where manners go to die and social norms are gently escorted out the back door. This assumption is false. In truth, glory holes operate under a surprisingly rigid code of conduct, one passed down not through written record but through communal sighs, pointed withdrawals, and the sudden realization that “someone is doing this wrong.”

What follows is not merely advice, but a civilizing document—a guide for the modern participant who wishes to engage without becoming a cautionary tale.

I. Consent: The Cornerstone of All Civilized Society

Even behind a wall, consent reigns supreme. Participation is neither a binding contract nor an irrevocable oath. It is a temporary agreement, revocable at any moment, for any reason, including but not limited to: discomfort, boredom, confusion, existential dread, or “actually, no.”

If the other party retreats, pauses, or otherwise signals disinterest, the only acceptable response is immediate disengagement. Not negotiation. Not commentary. Certainly not knocking.

Remember:

Silence is not consent.

Persistence is not charming.

And this is not, under any circumstances, a sales pitch.

II. Anonymity: Do Not Stare Into the Void (The Void Does Not Like It)

The wall exists for a reason. Attempts to peer through openings, strike up investigative conversations, or identify the other participant violate the sacred pact of mutual ignorance.

This is not a meet-cute.

This is not LinkedIn networking.

And this is absolutely not the time to ask, “So… you come here often?”

Photography, recording, or any attempt to capture evidence that this ever occurred is strictly forbidden—not just by etiquette, but by common sense and, in many cases, the law.

What happens at the wall stays at the wall.

Forever.

No group chats.

III. Hygiene: The Lowest Possible Bar, Yet Somehow Missed

Let us be clear: cleanliness is not an optional flourish. It is the entry fee. Showing up unwashed is not edgy or spontaneous—it is an act of aggression.

Hands should be clean.

Bodies should be reasonably presentable.

And the space should be left as you found it, or better—like a decent human who understands that others exist.

Failure to observe basic hygiene is the equivalent of speaking loudly in a quiet room. Everyone notices. No one appreciates it.

IV. Communication: When to Speak, and When to Respect the Silence

Some participants welcome limited verbal interaction. Others prefer the solemn quiet of mutual understanding. The correct approach is not assumption, but observation.

If communication is welcomed, keep it respectful and minimal.

If it is not welcomed, silence is not awkward—it is correct.

Heavy breathing, unsolicited commentary, or attempts at improvisational dirty talk without prior indication are strongly discouraged.

This is not an open mic night.

V. Entitlement: A Disease with No Place Here

You are not owed enthusiasm.

You are not owed completion.

You are not owed anything beyond basic respect.

Participation does not entitle continuation. If the interaction ends abruptly, the proper response is to accept it with dignity and move on—not to linger, sulk, or express disbelief.

Grace under rejection is the mark of someone who understands the assignment.

VI. Adherence to House Rules: Civilization Depends on This

If the encounter takes place in a venue with posted rules, those rules are not decorative suggestions. They are the thin line between order and chaos.

Time limits, behavioral expectations, staff instructions—follow them all promptly and without argument. If the house or staff intervene, comply immediately.

Arguing does not make you principled.

It makes you the reason the space closes.

VII. Health and Safety: Shockingly Important

Risk awareness is not optional simply because anonymity is involved. Know your own boundaries. Take reasonable precautions. Do not make assumptions about anyone else’s choices or status.

If something feels off—physically, mentally, spiritually—withdraw. Etiquette fully endorses leaving without explanation.

The goal is pleasure, not consequences.

VIII. Legal Awareness: Reality Still Exists

Different locations have different laws, and pretending otherwise is a poor strategy. Good etiquette includes knowing the legal context and not placing others at unnecessary risk through recklessness or bravado.

Discretion is not paranoia.

It is wisdom.

IX. Aftercare: Yes, Even Here

Despite appearances, anonymous encounters can have emotional weight. You may feel triumphant, indifferent, or suddenly introspective in the parking lot.

All reactions are valid.

Drink water.

Breathe.

Have a snack.

Self-care is not weakness—it is maintenance.

X. The Social Contract: Don’t Ruin It for Everyone

Every space survives on collective behavior. Ignore etiquette long enough, and the space disappears. Act poorly, and the entire community pays the price.

Good manners protect access, safety, and reputation. Even behind a wall, you are still part of something larger than yourself.

In Closing: Be Polite, Be Clean, Be Briefly Decent

Glory hole etiquette is not complicated. It asks only that participants behave like adults who understand boundaries, respect anonymity, and possess a passing familiarity with human decency.

You need not be charming.

You need not be exceptional.

And for the love of all that is hole-y, you need not to be the problem!